Retail Therapy

I don't know if this is a problem. All I know is the feeling of how exquisite a new dress drapes over my skin and flaunts my figure. Or how feminine and dangerous new high heels make me feel. How new earrings make my ears stand out with all the extra shine yelling out to the crowd "Hey, I'm shiny and I'm here!". If I had an endless bank account that would fund my shopping, I would totally shop everyday of my life. Can this actually be considered as a hobby?

So I started to think why I love this shopping so much. As I brainstormed this tornado, I slowly came to realize that this "Retail Therapy" could be a problem. I mean, I'm not a hoarder or anything weird like that! I actually give away a lot of my old clothes to friends and to charity to make room for all of my new clothes to fit into my drawers, closet, and hamper! I once heard that if you haven't worn something in over a year, most likely you are not ever going to use that clothing item. So out it goes, and out it went. But I still felt the need of more, more, and more.

Why? I am not obsessed with spending money! I'm actually scared to over spend. I don't splurge on $300 bags, and I don't ever really buy full priced shoes. Well, maybe sometimes. I mostly shop on the sales rack because I always like to feel like I'm getting my money's worth. I mean, I DO work hard for the money!

As I sit here typing this blog, I sigh at my pathetic self. I am a bit conceited, yet a bit insecure. I guess that was it. My insecurities make me do all the shopping. When I feel bad about myself the only thing that makes me feel better is buying that new dress. That new dress that was made specially for me. That last one in my size. I grab it excitedly knowing for sure that it's going to make me look like a million... no..... wait.... a billion bucks! Because I am worth so much more.

So there I am in the fitting room. One on one with that gorgeous dress staring at me with those puppy eyes, asking me as the chosen master to adopt it and take it home. I undress myself, delicately taking off the dress from the hanger as if it was made of glass. I unzip the dress, sliding it on to my body as it contours every angle and curve perfectly. I zip it up and a surprised feeling that has surpassed from the bottom of my stomach swells up to an excited gasp. It almost feels as if a natural radiant light shone behind me as I looked in the mirror. Of course I can't wait to wear it out and show it off to everyone since I'm always getting compliments about my looks, hair, and wardrobe. And that satisfies my ego. A couple of months would go by, and sadly the shine from the dress has been washed out with the dirty water from the washing machine. It has now become another dull particle of clothing in my closet. I have come to notice this hasn't happened with just one dress...... nor one shirt.... nor one jacket. I've always felt like I've won. But in reality, I've lost.

I've lost my money and the feeling I once had. This urge to satisfy my insecurity with new articles of clothing has been a repetitive ongoing process for years! I can't believe that I actually know I have a problem yet I can't seem to stop. It's my cocaine. So, if you find me in the mall with a couple of bags, I hope that you don't remember that I am actually shopping my sorrows, insecurities, and depression away.